Ryan Carnes is a Hollywood actor, producer, singer-songwriter, and screenwriter. You might define him as successful, sexy, and confident, but he wasn’t born like that. So how did he get here? It’s time to unlock the secret to unwavering confidence in and out of the bedroom.
You may be surprised but developing a sense of identity is key to how well you perform in the bedroom. What I find so interesting is that most of Ryan’s tips and strategies don’t add any added burdens but are rather liberating.
If you're looking to improve your sex life, and learn to become more confident, here are some tips on how to do just that:
Tips for Better Sex from Hollywood Actor Ryan Carnes
- Episode Video
- The Importance of Self-Awareness and Self-Discovery
- How to Overcome Performance Anxiety
- 3 Final Tips for Improving Sex
- Final Thoughts
The Importance of Self-Awareness and Self-Discovery
The truth of the matter is that Ryan was deeply insecure growing up. Only over time did he evolve and learn what authentic confidence really was. One key that unlocked genuine confidence was self-esteem, and to get to self-esteem, it takes exploring.
Who are you? What is your purpose in life? Are you carrying out that mission? These are the questions that Ryan slowly answered over time that led to cultivating self-worth. But the answers are different for everyone.
Our modern society lacks a rite of passage for boys to become men. Through no fault of your own, men are rarely taught what it is to be a man. Ryan highlights that while we may not have created the problem, we are ultimately responsible for the solution.
Start by being honest about what you want and don't want. This will help determine what works for you and what doesn't.
Be open to trying new things in life. You may be surprised at the confidence you develop when sharing that energy with a partner.
Take Risks, Go Big
Have you ever been so afraid of rejection that you don’t pull the trigger at all? You’re not alone, but rejection is a necessary part of the game that you can’t ignore. It may even improve your confidence in the long run.
Ryan says, "If you aren’t getting rejected, then you aren’t playing a big enough game.” BAM! Rejection is a part of life. We humans need it to learn what we did wrong and to adjust for the future. Most times, it isn’t about us but what’s happening in the other person’s life.
The next time you’re presented with a chance, whatever that may be, remember, just go big. If you face rejection, allow yourself to gain feedback from that situation, extrapolate the positive takeaways, and improve.
This practice will not only get you closer to success in your life, but it could also help you battle one of the biggest causes of ED for men: performance anxiety.
How to Overcome Performance Anxiety
Few things give a blow to a man’s confidence, like ED. Unfortunately, society has programmed us to think and expect certain things that aren’t grounded in reality. This is how Ryan learned to bring things back down to Earth.
You are not responsible for your partner’s emotions:
Too often, men bring the entire burden of the sexual or even just relationship experience onto themselves. You forget that it takes two to make things work.
Feedback from your partner is just as much for them as it is for you, and you don’t need to come away from it thinking you’re a terrible person. You’re a work in progress. You must learn to give yourself some grace and establish boundaries.
Men need to learn how to communicate with their partners in the bedroom:
“The best sex is the sex that is mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically connected.” That doesn’t happen without clear communication. As a man, it’s okay to tell a woman that you may have difficulty getting it up the first time because they’re so attractive it makes you a little nervous. It’s okay to tell your partner that you may not ejaculate when you orgasm and that it has nothing to do with whether or not they performed well.
Sex is an exchange of energy. If there are gaps and blockages in the pathway, it will ultimately stop that flow of energy which can impact your erection; for women, it could affect whether or not they have an orgasm.
Clear the air and say what you need to say before the deed. Your partner may even think you’re sexier than you were before.
There is no confidence without breaking limitations:
Most limitations are self-imposed. It doesn’t matter what other people say; it only matters if we believe it or not. Building confidence can’t happen without taking risks and being bold, but men need to overcome their limitations.
The only thing stopping you from being who you want to be and creating the life you want to live is you.
Sex is not goal oriented:
We have become too enamored with the orgasm. Sex has become about achieving some goal, and we’ve lost the original purpose, to be present and enjoy it at the moment.
Just because a man doesn’t ejaculate when he orgasms, or just because a woman doesn’t reach orgasm during sexual intercourse, doesn’t mean it wasn’t an enjoyable experience.
While orgasms are good, and we should have them, we’ve put too much pressure on sex to be all about it. If you want to foster a great sex life with your partner, make it about the journey, not the destination.
3 Final Tips for Improving Sex
Now that we’ve laid the foundation for building the kind of confidence that leads to better sex let’s dive into some impactful tips Ryan gave during his interview that will actively shape your sex life.
1. Practice orgasming without ejaculation
For some, you may have already heard this concept; for others, you may be thinking, wait, what??? How do you even do that, and why? But the reality is that not only can you have incredible orgasms with ejaculating, but it may also help you go longer.
The way to do it is to utilize the muscles in your pelvic floor. To find those muscles, the next time you pee, try stopping the stream. The muscles you use to control the stream will be the same ones you can strengthen to stop the ejaculation process while you orgasm. The book The Multi-Orgasmic Man is a great starting point for learning about this process.
As a bonus, Ryan spoke about how when you ejaculate, your testicles come closer to the body. So a way to prolong the ejaculation is to gently pull the scrotum away from the body.
2. Don’t take inspiration from pornography
Porn does one of the greatest disservices to modern sex. It distorts reality and trains people to think that this is how sex is meant to be. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Everything you see in porn is a fabrication, and I’ve even treated men in the porn industry. Let me tell you - they have some of the highest rates of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
In Ryan’s words, “men are not meant to be fuck-machines.” What you see in porn is not what you should be striving for.
3. Diet and Lifestyle
As always, we circle back to the activity and what you’re putting in your body. As much as it seems like a given, I’ve seen firsthand what a cleaner diet can do to a man’s body.
Ryan’s diet consists of clean food that cuts out pork and red meat, and he works out around 5 days a week, no more than an hour and a half each time, and without cardio. His physique is proof enough that a good diet and exercise regimen produces results, and it produces them quickly.
Final Thoughts
If a man wants to be better in the bedroom, it’s not about having the biggest penis and hardest erection. It’s about being better with yourself. Your self-esteem and confidence are the keys to having a fulfilling sex life.
Take these tips and see if you find improvements in your sex life. In the podcast, we go way more in-depth on Ryan’s background, and he drops some golden nuggets of wisdom that you definitely don’t want to miss out on. So tune into the How to Develop a Deep Sense of Confidence: Tips for Better Sex from Hollywood Actor Ryan Carnes.
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